How’s this for real life. I, Rachelle, I am a complete mess right now.
It has been one hell of a year. Becoming a Mom of two, working hard on trying to building a business (two actually), working two positions at my day job: full-time, maintaining a home comfortable for my family and so much more… I feel like I have lost direction.
I am spinning. I am exhausted. Throughout all of these changes I have put ME/MYSELF on the back burner most days. I truly feel like I am living in survival mode and failing.
I am not writing this for attention or a ‘poor you’ response. I am not sharing this to make my life feel so much busier than anyone else’s. I share because I know I’m not alone. I share because I need to broaden my network of people that have gone through this phase and made it out. People that are currently going through it and hiding it like I do – every day. I also need my parent friends to know, YOU are not alone. This shit is hard – it is so very hard.
We are all doing the best we can … to get out the door every day on time, sitting in our offices from 9-5 only to rush home in traffic to get the kids. To make dinner that sometimes doesn’t get eaten. To clean our houses that never look that way. To dry all the tears including our own. To not loose our effing binds. To breathe.
I know I am not alone even though it feels like it. This is just a really, really, really tough chapter. I am in survival mode. I take on more than I can do most days because it is in my DNA to try and perfect too much. I don’t say ‘no’ because I fear I will disappoint someone. I know I don’t show up to the parties, the girls nights, the weekends away, the play dates – its not that I don’t want to – its just – that I don’t want to. It’s not you, right now, its me.
If you’re a part of my life … please give me grace, maybe even advice. I am trying the best I can to find balance, which feels more like trying to take a deep breath under water. Don’t worry – I am okay – I am just really exhausted & don’t really know what it is that I need right now to find balance. I love this life that I have been blessed with I just need to find ME again so I can love it a little bit harder.
Last night as I ran through the nightly routine of cooking dinner, cleaning up, prepping for the next day – I made myself STOP. I made myself slow down and rearrange the steps I made. I forced my brain and body to move with more intention and I stared at my children & got lost for a moment.
I reminded myself that these not so tiny anymore humans that need me so bad, right now, will not be so needy one day and I will need them. I picked up my toddler, placed him on the counter and asked him to help me. He cut all the grapes that I had just washed. He cut them with a smile & pride. Without being asked or encouraged to, fed his little sister as she watched from her highchair. Looking back at last night – THOSE are the moments. The big moments – the ones that take center-stage in the memory bank.
I am a Mom. I am trying and on most days I feel like I am trying so damn hard to figure it out. Just like you. Over the past week I made a promise to myself, my family, my kids … to start slowing down and being better. calmer. Filled with more grace & passion and less irritation & hurry. As a Mom, there are things we go through that play factors on how we feel and act. Things we don’t always talk about or recognize.
I just crossed the 10-month mark of breastfeeding my second baby. This is a prideful accomplishment for me but also one that brings a lot of baggage & let me tell you what … it isn’t designer.
Breastfeeding is a wonderful privilege that my body has blessed me with the ability to do. I was able to breastfeed our son for 16 months. I felt proud, happy, so good & yet, so broken.
There is a dark side to breastfeeding that a lot of women don’t openly talk about. The part of the journey that causes emotional ups and downs (way downs). The sleepless nights because that sweet baby only wants Mama and what she can provide. The days when you are in tears, ugly, can’t breathe tears because your body senses fear and stress & decides not to produce enough that day. The feedings that end because you’ve been bit, pinched, hit – yeah, that happens. And then there is the part that hurts the most … the hormones that are so viciously cruel. They are the mean girl of the world. They come out of nowhere and truly make you feel like a worthless human. I know that may sound extreme BUT if you are a breastfeeding Mama or even a Husband that has seen your Wife throughout this journey you too know this is real.
Y’all – I have recently cried tears that made me feel like every ounce of air was being sucked from body. Ask me why – my answer: I don’t know. I just felt broken.
My body was and is still (but better) stressed and overwhelmed and ready to end this journey. We are two months away from One Year which is my goal for my daughter’s breastfeeding journey. Last week I was really stressed about it all – my body felt the fear and reacted. It reacted by not producing. As a working out of the home, Mom, I have to pump throughout the day in-order to provide for my daughter at daycare. I usually pump 4-6oz, per pump session – 3-times a day. Last week my body yielded 1-2oz. Do you know what this did to me? It wrecked me. It made me feel like I was failing. Like I was broken. Like I was doing something wrong. Now, I know this is not fact but in a moment of Mama Panic – I didn’t. I knew fear and pain and sadness.
I turned to my Husband because HE is my comfort. With tears in my eyes I sent him an email after a stressful morning in the house all because I was emotionally toxic and well, mean.
“I just feel broken babe. I hate how I feel. I think I need to stop breastfeeding or at least get formula this weekend and supplement a bottle or 2 a day. I feel so stressed out like my body is failing at this and its not a fun feeling. I am starting to hate this relationship (breastfeeding) between getting bit, not pumping enough, etc. I dont have enough milk to give her bottles Monday. I feel broken about it.”
This Man. This amazing, selfless, strong, keeps this ship afloat, man broke me with his response:
“I completely understand babe and i empathize with you. To hear about how many woman cant do it at all is a testament to you as a mother. Imagine the total number of ounces you have fed our kids over these years. How many bottles washed… How many hours spent feeding or pumping… How much money you have saved us. Its super hero status babe!! Thank you for all of it!! I don’t blame you for wanting it to end. And honestly she is so close to being one I can’t imagine it making much difference stopping at 10 months or 12.”
Be still my heart – after reading that my heart calmed and my body felt a sense of safety like no matter what I decided to do – everything was going to okay!
I did buy formula which she didn’t care for. Over the next few days my body, the one that kicked my ass the week before, decided to return to normal – with me – and started producing 4-7oz a pump session. Moral of the story. Take care of your mental health to keep your physical health in-line. That and marry a Man that has the ability to make you feel like you can do anything. p.s. I love you.
Are you a breastfeeding Mom? What do you do to take care of yourself? Both Mentally and Physically?
List of questions to fall in love as seen in the New York Times
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?
2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?
3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?
4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?
5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?
6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?
7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?
8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.
9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?
10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?
11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.
12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?
13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?
14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?
16. What do you value most in a friendship?
17. What is your most treasured memory?
18. What is your most terrible memory?
19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?
20. What does friendship mean to you?
21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?
22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.
23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?
24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?
25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling … “
26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share … “
27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.
28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.
29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.
30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?
31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.
32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?
33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?
34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?
35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?
36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.
>>> TODAY ONLY : 10.24.2017 <<<
buy any set of roller bottles and/or roller bottle labels and be entered to gift the exact set to a friend – FREE!
NO LIMIT!! Just in time for your Make & Take Parties!
+ order must be placed no later than midnight, EST.
+ order must be placed and paid for to qualify.
+ to claim offer, place order through ETSY
+ name will be randomly drawn tomorrow morning (10.25)
+winner will be responsible to provide the gifted recipient’s name & address.
OFFER VALID ON ANY SIZE DECALS:
5ml, 10ml, 15ml, 2-16oz spray, etc. ANYTHING!
*mugs do not apply.
Can you believe there are only 70 days until Christmas!? I mean, I know we all do and say this every year but I don’t think I am alone when I say this one came up FAST!
If you are like me, you truly love giving gifts as much as you like receiving them! Part of my passion is creating that perfect gift. Over the weekend I designed a new mug for all my essential oil lovers: Drop it Like It’s Hot! Perfect for anyone that loves essential oils. This mug is the perfect Thieves Tea cup! You can order yours by clicking HERE. I will throw in FREE gift wrapping too! Just mention it in the Note to Seller section at checkout.
OCTOBER is my favorite mponth of the year! I love everything about it! Including these amazing FREEBIES from Young Living!
When you order 300 PV, you will receive:
🍁 Super C chewables 90 count
Vitamin C for the win. Super C combines Orange essential oil with a blend of camu camu, acerola, cherry, and rose hips fruit powder to create a super powerful immune-supporting supplement. Together, these ingredients give us polyphenols, carotenoids, and optimal amounts of vitamin C.
It’s chewable, it’s convenient, it’s what you’ll be loading up on throughout fall and winter. Take 1-3 daily, or as needed. Pro tip: it’s always good to have food in your belly when you chew ’em up.
🍁Breathe Again Roll-On
We love roll-ons for how easy they are! And as we get into the swing of school, sports, holidays, and being busy busy busy, it’s the best to have something in your purse / car / anywhere that you can just roll right on!
It has oils that pack a punch like Peppermint, Myrtle, Copaiba, and FOUR types of Eucalyptus. Great for opening the lungs, breathing easy all day long, using before, during and after a workout.. the list goes on. Here’s a fun one: Apply Breathe Again to your back, neck, or chest before a steamy shower for an invigorating aromatic experience. WOO!
You likely got this one in your Premium Starter Kit, and if you’ve ever used DiGize, you KNOW how incredible it is. Sure, it’s not everyone’s favorite smell, but its benefits are worth it, AM I RIGHT?! I order DiGize regularly, so I’m excited to be getting it for free this month and to put my PV into something else fun! It’s one of those that you never, ever, ever want to go without. I love when tummies are happy, and I will fight to keep them that way! DiGize helps me to do just that.
This is a bonus you’ll only receive when doing your monthly Essential Rewards order! Not on ER yet? Check out this video and HOP ON IT, friend! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2ThONHudUOY
Raven is a cleansing blend of Ravintsara, Lemon, Wintergreen, Peppermint, and Eucalyptus Radiata. Raven creates a cooling sensation when applied topically to the chest and throat. It’s especially wonderful for ages 6+ and one of my top choices for use in the AromaDome (like a small tent for your head so you can breathe oils in quickly and powerfully. Crazy cool.)
5ml Cinnamon Bark Vitality
Another bonus for your Essential Rewards order! This one is all about healthy digestion and a healthy immune system. You’ll find it in Thieves, Inner Defense, and Abundance, to name a few. Add a drop or two to your NingXia Red for a “hot shot. Dilute 1–2 drops in a vegetarian gel capsule and take as a dietary supplement to support your regular digestion. Take a banana smoothie to a sweet new level with a drop of Cinnamon Bark Vitality. Use a drop to spice up your hot cereal. Substitute Cinnamon Bark Vitality in any recipe that calls for ground cinnamon. We can’t get enough!
At 250 PV, you will receive Breathe Again and DiGize. When on your ER order, you’ll also get the Raven and Cinnamon Bark Vitality.
At 190 PV, you will receive DiGize. When on your ER, Raven and Cinnamon Bark Vitality will come too!
At 100 PV on ER, you’ll get Cinnamon Bark Vitality.
I don’t know about you, but I am going for that 300 PV on ER! Let’s stay well! Happy October!!!