How’s this for real life. I, Rachelle, I am a complete mess right now.
It has been one hell of a year. Becoming a Mom of two, working hard on trying to building a business (two actually), working two positions at my day job: full-time, maintaining a home comfortable for my family and so much more… I feel like I have lost direction.
I am spinning. I am exhausted. Throughout all of these changes I have put ME/MYSELF on the back burner most days. I truly feel like I am living in survival mode and failing.
I am not writing this for attention or a ‘poor you’ response. I am not sharing this to make my life feel so much busier than anyone else’s. I share because I know I’m not alone. I share because I need to broaden my network of people that have gone through this phase and made it out. People that are currently going through it and hiding it like I do – every day. I also need my parent friends to know, YOU are not alone. This shit is hard – it is so very hard.
We are all doing the best we can … to get out the door every day on time, sitting in our offices from 9-5 only to rush home in traffic to get the kids. To make dinner that sometimes doesn’t get eaten. To clean our houses that never look that way. To dry all the tears including our own. To not loose our effing binds. To breathe.
I know I am not alone even though it feels like it. This is just a really, really, really tough chapter. I am in survival mode. I take on more than I can do most days because it is in my DNA to try and perfect too much. I don’t say ‘no’ because I fear I will disappoint someone. I know I don’t show up to the parties, the girls nights, the weekends away, the play dates – its not that I don’t want to – its just – that I don’t want to. It’s not you, right now, its me.
If you’re a part of my life … please give me grace, maybe even advice. I am trying the best I can to find balance, which feels more like trying to take a deep breath under water. Don’t worry – I am okay – I am just really exhausted & don’t really know what it is that I need right now to find balance. I love this life that I have been blessed with I just need to find ME again so I can love it a little bit harder.