“Wow, that looks super hard! Good job Mama, you are really strong”, my 6-year-old said to me this morning as he watched me workout. He made me smile, his words made my eyes fill with happy tears. He made me feel stronger and so proud.
A little while later, I am in the bathroom doing my make-up; my three-year-old by my side, also ‘doing her make-up’, Grayson asks me: “why do you wear make-up every day?” slightly caught off guard I looked at him & said “I guess it makes me feel prettier”. He responded in a confused tone: “why? You are already so beautiful” – Me: crying off the first coat of mascara I just applied: “you are the sweetest boy in the world – that was so nice of you to say to me” “what do you think makes me pretty?”. He stood beside me, hugged my belly and said: “your hair, your eyes, your smile, your tattoos and your love”
His heart truly wows me. I wish that tiny, genuine voice could have spoke to the 26 year old me and told me she was pretty for all those reasons.
A friend of mine that also underwent explant surgery could not have worded it any better …. “I wish I took the time to understand how insecurities of 20 something me would translate to compromised health that 30 something me values above everything. I wish I read the black box warning.”
The thing is, I want my Daughter to know that beauty isn’t cosmetic. I want her to pridefully rock the body God blessed her with; without feeling the need to go under a knife to feel pretty like her Mama did. I want my Son to look at women and continue to see beauty in a smile, a conversation, a kind heart, laughter and kindness not measured by the size of her breasts (I know, it will happen at some point because hello: boys + hormones) but you get the point. I want my kids to FEEL beauty, not search for it in a cup size like I felt the need to.
13 days to go! Looking forward to being on the other end of this to begin my healing journey.